are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
