We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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