Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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