Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
