Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
