i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
