u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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