Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
