It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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