I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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