Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
