she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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