I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
