I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
