"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
