I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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