How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
