Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
