I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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