I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
