My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
