...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
