come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
