dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
