just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
