yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sorry about my life...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
