If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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