He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
two words...techno handjob
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
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