I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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