The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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