we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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