Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
