capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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