Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
