I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
