Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
