I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My balls are so social today.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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