So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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