I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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