This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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