Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
