i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
