fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
