and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
