Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
