oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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