I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
