mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
