You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
