Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
