I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
