i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
