Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That's intense
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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