you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
