What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize