Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Drake has all the answers
i believe in u and ur pee
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
