Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
