im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
