I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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