I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
