im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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