you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You smell like a Billy Joel song
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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