I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
