is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
should my penis look like a turkey
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
