this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
