i may or may not be watching the land before time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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