i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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