The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize