Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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