please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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